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Our awesome blended family
This was taken in 2013 |
When I told my husband I wanted to start a blog I asked him what I should call it, he said, the life of red headed step child, and told me I could give new meaning to the phrase. Basically what I have heard about the meaning of the phrase is that it means a kid who is unwanted or disliked, maybe because red heads are known for being a bit crazy or wild? I am not known for being wild really at all and I am unsure if I was ever unwanted or disliked as a stepchild... but here is my origin story... (so to speak)
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| T.J., Me, Travis, baby Trey, my Dad, and his husband Ryan |
My mom and dad got divorced when I was a toddler and my dad came out as gay. She didn't get married again until I was in second grade, and I had to switch schools. This is when my life as a red headed step child began. My mom became Debi Thomas, and I was thrown into a family of seven, which was weird because I was used to things being simple with my brother, my mom, and myself. The nice thing was that I got a step sister named Kylie who fell right between my brother and I in age, the rest of my new siblings were quite a bit older, there was Dayne who was maybe a few years older than my brother, than Dusty and Matt who lived there, and the rest were married and moved out. I had so much fun with my new siblings, growing up with them it seemed like we had so much free time to explore, we could just be kids for the longest time, and in everything we did, we made sure we had fun.
I learned so much as a "red headed step child" especially through my moms relationship with this man. This was the first relationship I had really seen, since I was too little to remember anything that went on between her and my dad. This marriage was an unfortunate lesson for all involved, he was abusive physically and emotional to my mom and even me and my brother, we hardly ever got to spend time with my mom and he made sure of that. I could see things happening and I didn't know if my mom could see it or if she was even willing to do anything about it. The last straw (I think) for her was when she came to tuck me in and say prayers with me when he came storming into my room wanting to talk with her, she tried to guide him to the door and said she would be out in a minute, he pushed her back saying, "don't push me!" I watched my mom stumble backwards about to fall... I remember crying myself to sleep afterwards.
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| T.J. and I |
My brother T.J. had moved out a while back to go live with my dad, because of some things that had gone on between him and our step dad. So when my mom had finally found the courage to leave this marriage we went to live with one of her friends in Springville, my mom would drive me to school in Orem everyday so that I wouldn't have to switch schools again, what a great mom right?! We eventually moved into a duplex in Orem and I started Junior High. It was just me and her for about 4 years (if I remember correctly) until she met her current husband Brian. He started coming over to hang out first with just the 3 of us then we met his kids, Matt, Amber, and Eric. We were all teenagers and our ages laced up like a glove, each of us being a year apart from the other. Brian asked me and T.J. if he could marry our mom, I thought it was weird that he asked our permission (the last guy didn't ask.) Of course I told him yes, in my mind its about my moms' happiness, but I will always appreciate that he cared to involve us. That alone told me that this step dad would be different.
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| Just look at that smile! |
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Me, T.J., and Eric
We thought we were cool |
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Eric and Amber
Jeeping brought our family together |
Being part of this family hasn't been easy, probably more for my mom and Brian, trying to blend 5 teenagers together with raging hormones, rebelliousness, and not getting along. It is a lot of give and take in blending a family, its funny how with the last marriage us kids got along like mac and cheese while my mom had trouble with that man, and this one seemed the opposite. While I was in High School it was just me and Eric living with our parents and he became my protector and big brother, even though I was older. Amber did not ever seem to want to get along with anybody, I think neither of us knew how to be a sister, and we were
hormonal! Things are better now that we have grown up a bit,
moved out, and learned from our mistakes. Being a step child can be hard but eventually you drop the step and become just a child, I have felt like that with Brian for a while now, he is just another dad ( I now technically have 4 haha). I am grateful for everyday I have Brian in my life as well as in my moms life.
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My love
this was just after I got my endowments out |
Going through all this craziness has taught me a lot and made me who I am today. Seeing what my mom went through made me kind of afraid of divorce. I knew that I wasn't going to get married with the thought of, if it doesn't work out than we can just get a divorce...
no, divorce is not an option for me! I found someone with the same ideas about divorce and marriage (he is also from a blended family), he is the most understanding, smart, and incredible person! Really though I feel so lucky to have this man want me for forever, I knew that we had made the right choice that day we were sealed together forever. Wow did not mean to rant and rave about Trav like that... sorry... the end.
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Yes that is my mom and I on the left and the right!Mom, I love you! thank you for being my friend through it all :)
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